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Oh my... (ff nothingness)

March 26th, 2007 (10:34 am)
Tags: ,

current mood: hungry

So, last night, I decided to take a "short" break in the midst of doing Kokumono edits and read through FF2 that I finished writing ~2.5 years ago. A couple of people have commented about wanting to be able to read it in English, but I couldn't remember what the story was entirely about and if it would be possible to do that. While I did write the entire outline in English (it's 15-20pgs long IIRC), the entire story was written in Japanese. Until yesterday, any time I looked at the file, I couldn't bring myself to actually *read* it. I *cringed* at the very thought of it. But I finally sat down with it yesterday... >.>

Naru, you're talking a bit too much like a girl, did you know that? So is Lin and Yasuhara. I mucked up a bit with Bou-san too, but he's a bit more consistent. >.<; There were a number of errors (spelling, grammar) that I noticed right away, but what really caught my attention was... I didn't remember virtually any of the story. It took me over 3 *hours* to read the thing (it's ~160 pgs on file), during which time I was wondering, "how did I fix this?", "how does this tie with that?", and even "how did I end this?!". It was a bit weird; I had no idea how everything would wrap up together. >.> I did remember, vaguely, some of the different aspects of the story, and I definitely remembered the iron maiden scene (I completely forgot about the office scene though ^^;;). I didn't realise I created a setting issue in the story (Apparently, I forgot to move things to Tokyo at some point. Oops; insta-3+ hour commute...) or just how close to Naru x Mai I made that thing. (That's my explanation for it. ^^;; Otherwise, Naru's a bit too off-chara. *laughs* *Naru* carried Mai in one scene?! Even though Bou-san was there?? Yeah, right. ^^; When Mai passed out from breathing formaldehyde fumes in the bio lab (Yasuhara's school), it was Lin who carried her to the nurse's office after he and Naru found her. Mai (who was floating around watching all this from outside her body (and only after realising she was seeing things from outside her body did she think that might not be a good thing)) was a bit disappointed (she'd rather have had Naru carry her), but readily admitted to herself that her weight might be a bit much for Naru to carry. ^^;

So, what does all that rambling mean? Well, I honestly don't know if I can write this in English. There's a lot that needs to be fixed. It's not a matter of translating this; it would be re-writing it entirely in English. My Japanese and English writing styles are... *probably* different, I think. It would also need to be seriously fixed up. I don't know if I could seriously face working with that story anymore. There was some fan-spec where the others debated Mai's own abilities. I don't know if I'd agree with *it* anymore either. ^^; Quite frankly, it was really weird reading that thing again. ^^;;

I'll look at it again on the weekend and see if the thing's salvageable, but... quite frankly, I wouldn't hold my breath. I have an urge to bury it in peat. ^^;;


Posted by: LKK (lkk)
Posted at: March 26th, 2007 05:16 pm (UTC)

Even if you never touch the story again, please don't delete it! I read it through Google-translation (as best I could given that it was Google-translated). I liked it. I liked the Naru x Mai moments even it they are a bit fan-girlish. As for Naru sounding girly, well ... that wasn't my impression at all.

So please don't bury it in peat! I would hate to lose it even though you would probably love to lose it.

PS: The tidbit about Mai being found and carried back from the bio lab. Too precious! I love Mai's reaction to realizing being out of her body may not be a good thing. LOL I'm going to add that info to my essay. I wonder why it wasn't included in the manga?

Posted by: Shadow (kagedreams)
Posted at: March 26th, 2007 07:51 pm (UTC)

^^;; Fan-girlish puts it rather mildly. ^^;; The girlishness though, is something you'll only really see in the original Japanese as it's a rather gendered language. Hrm, it's probably easiest to show by example.

For example the line "I don't know." In English, almost all the characters would say that except Bou-san who'd say, "I dunno", and John might say something weird like "I d'know". In Japanese though, it would be different for most of them:

Mai: wakannai (alt. wakaranai)
Masako: wakarimasenwa
Ayako: wakaranai, wakarimasen
Naru: wakaran, wakaranai (maybe too girly), wakarimasen (maybe?)
Bou-san: wakaran
Lin: wakarimasen
Yasuhara: wakarimasen
John: wakarahen, wakarahendosu

The scene from the novel's a fair bit different actually. ......I might have to write that out tonight. It's actually pretty funny. ^^;; ...it comes through loud and clear how this story was originally written for teens. ^^;;

Posted by: LKK (lkk)
Posted at: March 27th, 2007 02:25 am (UTC)
gh_read fist

C'mon, a little fangirling now and then never hurt anyone, especially if you're fangirl Naru and Naru x Mai. I see what you mean about the girly tone. I had forgotten that aspect of Japanese.

I'd love to read that scene someday, especially if it shows Mai being all teen girlish. Sometimes I forget that she's only 16. :)

Posted by: Too cute for evil (ginny_t)
Posted at: March 26th, 2007 06:34 pm (UTC)
Another puzzle piece slides into place…
GH - Lin

I'd wondered how Mai got to the nurse's office. Girl's got some messed up priorities! I'd much rather be carried by Lin or Bou-san than by Naru. ^_^

Posted by: Shadow (kagedreams)
Posted at: March 26th, 2007 07:53 pm (UTC)
Re: Another puzzle piece slides into place…

No kidding. ^^; Although, Mai *is* 16 IIRC at the time, so I guess it makes sense that she'd prefer Naru. ...maybe. :P Heck at that point, I'd take Yasuhara... or maybe not. He's a bit too dangerous in a sense. ^^;

Posted by: Too cute for evil (ginny_t)
Posted at: March 26th, 2007 11:22 pm (UTC)
Re: Another puzzle piece slides into place…
GH - Nevermind

Yasuhara's trouble. Shiny, you-come-here trouble. Too bad about that bite. ^_~

Posted by: yamikakyuu (yamikakyuu)
Posted at: March 26th, 2007 06:39 pm (UTC)

but readily admitted to herself that her weight might be a bit much for Naru to carry


Posted by: Too cute for evil (ginny_t)
Posted at: March 26th, 2007 06:40 pm (UTC)
have written by skellorg on obsessiveico

As for your poor fic… *pours tea* You wrote 160 pages, in another language, no less. Brava.

I'm curious to read it, once I give in to the spoilers. And I promise to blame all the weirdness on Babel fish.

Posted by: Shadow (kagedreams)
Posted at: March 26th, 2007 07:55 pm (UTC)

.........it's incredibly fan-girly. It sounds like a 15-year-old's writing. >.<;; But if I were you, I'd wait either until post-anime, or post-project... if at all. ^^;;

Posted by: Too cute for evil (ginny_t)
Posted at: March 26th, 2007 11:39 pm (UTC)
GH - Cabana Boys

I'm hoping to stay spoiler free until the canon dries up.

Posted by: Kakurenbo (akinarei)
Posted at: March 26th, 2007 06:40 pm (UTC)

That's not fair, it's not in my manga that Lin carried her to the Nurse's office. Wah!

Isn't it amazing what looking at something a few years later can do?

What about your English stories? Those both have solid plots and I didn't think Naru was girly in either of them.

Posted by: lys (lysiithea)
Posted at: March 27th, 2007 10:11 am (UTC)

I love your GH ff! I wish I could read the japanese ones though, but the English one was really good. The plot was very interesting. I wish you would finish the story. The suspense is killing me!! :)

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